The Masturbation Chronicles, Chapter 1: I Failed

Masturbation is hard.

I don’t know if it’s because I planned to do more of it, but I’ve found myself with no time to do anything this month, let alone masturbate … or even have sex. Granted, the month isn’t over yet, but today and tomorrow don’t look too promising. I suppose it coincides with this month being a bit of a mess in general, trips galore, and the fact it feels over far too soon. Who’d have thought a twenty eight day month instead of a thirty day one would make such a big difference? Either way, we’re drawing near the end of February, and what do I have to show for it in terms of masturbation?

Not much, and not at all varied … which was the original aim. I masturbated four times this month. Yep … four. Even I’m shocked at that number. Three out of the four times I used the Doxy massager, it was there, ready, and plugged in after all. The one time I did go for something a bit different was because I craved a little more stimulation. So, I reached for my bedside dildo, the one I go to for all occasions, the Lovehoney Lifelike Lover Realistic Dildo. It’s my go to for one reason – it’s got a reasonably big base, so I can get a good grip … for at least a few minutes. But, the whole thing was just hard (pun not intended). I love penetration, I really do. But, my wrists were not made for self fucking. They get tired easy – usually after 10 thrusts. I’ve counted. And, a lube coated dildo usually means I can’t grip it without constant readjustment after a minute or two.

So, what have I learnt from this month?

1) I need lazy masturbation hacks, and I potentially need to look into investing in a toy that has a decent thrusting motion.

2) Consciously setting aside time to masturbate at the moment, is unfortunately necessary.

3) For me, masturbation is an essential form of self care. The fact that I’ve only taken a few minutes this month to really relax, and pay attention to my body has definitely reflected in my emotional health. Granted, this month has been rough for more than one reason, but it’s no excuse. Self care is essential, no matter how you do it.

The Revised Plan:

Once a week I shall pick a toy, and attack it with the fervour I usually reserve for a new series of Sherlock.

Now I shall distract you from my utter failure of masturbating (who’d have thought I’d ever fail at that), with a cute picture or two.